How to Overcome Mom Guilt: A Wellness-Driven Approach

In this episode of the Everwell Mama Podcast, Siobhan dives into the universal struggle of mom guilt and how to overcome it with small, intentional changes. She unpacks why the same old ways of doing things often leave moms feeling drained and stuck in a cycle of guilt, then offers practical, holistic strategies to break free. From prioritizing self-care to setting boundaries and reframing guilt as a tool for growth, Siobhan shares how taking care of yourself not only benefits you but your family too. Tune in to learn how a little self-compassion and small shifts in your wellness can make a big impact. It’s time to leave the guilt behind and step into a more energized, joyful version of motherhood.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why mom guilt is so common and how it impacts your energy.
• The difference between guilt that helps you grow and guilt that holds you back.
• Simple, practical ways to shift your perspective on guilt and release it.
• How small, intentional self-care changes can positively impact your whole family.

Noteworthy quotes from this episode:

“ My mom says should is a dirty word, and I'm starting to understand where she's coming from.” 
“ We're balancing work, family, relationships, and life with an energy tank that's constantly running a little low. And then, instead of giving ourselves grace, we pile guilt on top of that. Sound familiar?”
“And just like how mold loves a dark and warm environment, mom guilt thrives when you're already running on empty.”

“ 100 percent said that they have experienced mom guilt. So you are not alone in feeling this.”

“...it's not something that you invented or made up in your head. It's something that most of us have been taught, either directly or indirectly, by our parents, our grandparents, other women that we've seen in our lives, and by a society that seems to expect moms to be everything to everyone all the time.”

Your Path to Less Mom Guilt Starts Here:

Feeling weighed down by mom guilt and struggling to find balance? You don’t have to navigate this alone, Mama. Let’s work together to create a plan that honors your energy, your needs, and your family. Book an Energy Strategy Call or send me a DM on Instagram at @EverwellCoaching to get started. Together, we can come up with a plan to help you let go of the guilt, set healthy boundaries, and feel more in control of your time and energy.

Connect with Siobhan

• Tired of being tired? Go from “Too Tired” to “Ready for Anything” with Siobhan’s 21 Energy Hacks
• Ready to reclaim your energy and wellness, Mama? DM Siobhan on Instagram for details about her coaching services.
• Instagram: @everwellcoaching

About Siobhan

Siobhan Bingham coaches working moms to boost their energy to show up better for their kids, their partner, their work, and themselves. Using her ALIGN framework, she provides personalized strategies to break free from exhaustion and create a daily rhythm that works with your life—not against it.

Transcript

 Hey, ladies, today's episode is heavily inspired by a lot of messages that I've gotten, comments that I've received, and different DMs and conversations that I've had, really, with a variety of women, and it's all about mom guilt.

So mom guilt is something that is so common for, I think, pretty much every mother out there. And this comes from a variety of factors, but it's just that intense feeling of Oh, I should be doing this. I should have X, Y, Z, right? I should be playing with my kid. I should be doing this.

All of these shoulds that are just kind of nagging us in the back of our heads whenever we want to do something for us, or it could be something as simple as wanting to Provide something, whether it's your time or an object, to your kid's school. So, for example, me, today, at the time of this recording, I have volunteered to help out with a school skating trip.

And on the one hand, I'm super excited to be able to go and to support my daughter. But on the other hand, I'm like, why the hell did I actually sign up to do this? Because I hate skating. I hate cold toes. I can't skate literally because I'm going to be carrying baby on me. So why did I do this? And I think it was just like intrinsically this bit of mom guilt that I'm home.

If I was working at the school at the time, I would be out there doing that field trip. So all that to say, you're not alone. And I polled my followers on Instagram, and 100%, 100 percent said that they have experienced mom guilt. So you are not alone in feeling this.

 And it's not something that you invented or made up in your head. It's something that most of us have been taught, either directly or indirectly, by our parents, our grandparents, other women that we've seen in our lives, and by a society that seems to expect moms to be everything to everyone all the time.

But here's the truth. That pressure is impossible, unfair, and honestly, it's not helping anyone.

By the end of today's episode, we're going to dig into the root of mom guilt. We are going to look at how small changes in your wellness can quiet that little voice in the back of your head. And most importantly, I hope that it's going to help you to feel more energized and present for yourself and your family.

So let's dive in. Let's be real. Most of us are trying to do everything the way we always have. But it's just not working anymore. We're balancing work, family, relationships, and life with an energy tank that's constantly running a little low. And then, instead of giving ourselves grace, we pile guilt on top of that.

Sound familiar? And just like how mold loves a dark and warm environment, mom guilt thrives when you're already  running on empty, when you're tired, overwhelmed, or stretched too thin, it's so much easier for those guilty thoughts to creep in. It's like your inner critic is just waiting for a chance to chime in and make you feel worse.

So some of you may know, at the time of this recording, I have been solo parenting for the last nine and a half days. My husband went away on a business trip and before he left, I was like, Oh, don't worry, honey. While you're gone, I'm going to do a deep clean upstairs because I'm going to have so much extra time in the evenings to get things done.

And obviously, that's not what happened. Obviously, I'm not actually going to have enough. Extra time or energy to be cleaning up my house, like to do a deep clean, like what? I don't, I don't even know what past Siobhan was thinking. I can't tell you, but obviously that's not what happened. But the whole time he was gone, that guilt was in the back of my head.

It was like, you said you were going to clean up Siobhan, why aren't you cleaning up? And I did do a little bit of a clean, but I did not do a deep clean. Let's be real.

And I realized that. Because I put that pressure on myself to clean up and because I felt like I had more time to be doing things because he was away and I was no longer having that extra time in my schedule that I dedicate to him every day. I was like, Oh, I should be able to do this. I should be able to do that deep clean.

My mom says should is a dirty word, and I'm starting to understand where she's coming from. Because the truth is, if we want to feel better, and we want to show up as the moms that we want to be, the partners, the workers, all of the things that we want to be, we can't keep running this same script.

Something has to change. And that starts with how we take care of ourselves. Imagine what your day would look like if you were rested, energized, and even just a little less stressed. Imagine how your day would change and how would you change in the way that you work, the way that you parent, and the way that you handle your to do list.

Better, right? Now I've said this before, and I'm going to say it again to drive it home. When we take time to recharge ourselves, it's not selfish. It's necessary. And honestly, it's good for everyone because when you're happy and healthier, your family feels that energy too.

What's one thing that you've done for yourself recently that made you feel good? Got it? Now think about how did that ripple out to the rest of your day? Was the rest of your day better or was it a gong show?

Are there other ways that you can experiment to add in more of that good feeling, more of that good reset that you've been able to do? And have it happen in a way that will ripple out positivity for the rest of your day.

Now, let's talk about how to actually break the cycle of mom guilt. And this is something that I'm still working on too. It's not something that's going to happen overnight.

We're never going to be perfect about it. 

We can make small intentional steps in different areas of your wellness that can add up to some big shifts. So I'm going to take you through the 12 main wellness areas that I am trained in

and talk about how that can impact mom guilt.

So the first one is your body. So we're talking about physically feeling good. And feeling good physically makes a huge difference in how you handle everything else. Have you ever had a day when you wake up and your back's a little sore and everything else in the rest of the day just doesn't hit the same way?

That's because you're physically out of balance.

So in order to get rid of that mom guilt that is nagging at you when you say to your kids, I can't play with you right now because my back hurts. What you could do is move your body in a way that feels good to keep up that strength and be able to have your body feeling good and strong enough to actually make it through any activity that your kids need you for.

And you know me, it doesn't have to be a full on workout. I have slowly started to incorporate those again. And let me tell you, it has been a humbling experience. But any movement counts. So it could be a walk, it could be yoga, or just some light stretching. The goal here is not to do a workout, it's just to feel more energized.

The next wellness element we're looking at is food. So when you're busy, it's really easy to grab that quick and easy thing out of the cupboard. But, the truth is, whatever we eat fuels how we feel.

So a small intentional step here you can do is add one extra nourishing thing to your day. So maybe you are having a smoothie that's giving you some of those extra vitamins and minerals that you need that's packed with veggies and fruits. Maybe you're having a handful of nuts,

maybe a quick bite of cheese for some extra protein in the afternoon. And one of the easiest ways that you can do this is to have one easy homemade meal that is fully balanced at breakfast time. The rest of the day gets busy, but if we can start off the day on the right foot, it can make a big difference with how the rest of our day goes, nutrition wise.

Our next wellness element is water. Dehydration can sneak up on you very quickly, and it makes you feel really drained. There have been many times for myself as well, where I think that I'm hungry, but I'm definitely not. I am thirsty. So if you're feeling really cravy, or you really feel like you want to munch on something, try having a quick glass of water before you go to munch on something.

Our next wellness element. is two mixed together. The first one is fresh air and sunlight. So nature is one of the easiest and fastest ways to reset your mood. Have you ever heard that expression of take a baby outside or put it in water? If you want it to have a quick reset when they're feeling really sad, or they're just screaming for no apparent reason, if you take them outside or you put them in the all of a sudden they feel better.

The same thing happens for you, Mama. So, you could just go outside and sit there for five minutes. Bonus points if it's sunny outside. Bonus points if you're walking, because then you're getting that body and that fresh air and sunlight in at the same time.

But just spending five minutes outside can make a huge difference to not only your mood, but your energy levels as well.

Our next wellness element is rest and rest is a big one. This is probably the biggest one that you hear me talk about the most. And that's because it is so intrinsically tied with energy. And when I say rest, I'm not just talking about sleeping. I'm talking about the times throughout your day that you are able to just rest.

You're just sitting and being calm. You're not having to run around and do your to do list. You're not having to like quickly whip up a meal. You're just in that state of zen, in that state of calm and resting your body and your mind and your spirit and your emotions. Everything should be resting.

So an easy way to do this is to build it into your routine. So again, just like I said in last week's episode, we love when we can stack on our habits together. So maybe while you are waiting for the coffee to brew, instead of rushing around the kitchen, trying to do five other things, just stand there and take deep breaths while you're waiting for the coffee to brew.

Or maybe while your kids are playing. You just lay on the mat beside them for 10 minutes. Just let your body rest, and they might climb on you, they might try and give you toys to play with, but tell them that you need just five to ten minutes to just lay there and rest your body. And it's a good way to show them how to listen to their body's needs as well, and to model that idea of rest being productive for your kids.

All right, our next wellness element is mindset. Mindset is so big here, especially when we are talking about mom guilt. The way we talk to ourselves matters. So yes, we've got this voice in the back of our heads that is trying to tell us that we should, should, should, should, should. But what are you saying to yourself if those shoulds don't happen?

Are you beating yourself up? Are you putting yourself down? Or are you saying, That's okay. It didn't happen this time, but maybe it'll happen again next time. Or, that's okay, I made this plan of deep cleaning my house, and that wasn't a realistic plan. I will deep clean my house when I have more support to do so.

The biggest thing here with mom guilt is to really notice your inner dialogue. And then when that guilt is showing up, when it's talking to you in the back of your head, ask yourself, is this really true? Or is this just mom guilt talking? If it's mom guilt, just try to acknowledge it and let it go. And if it's true, what are the things that you need in order to support yourself through that?

Our next wellness element is. Relationships. And these don't have to be romantic relationships. It's every relationship that you have in your life. So it could be your relationship with your pets, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your partner, your relationships at work. Think about all of the connections that you have with all of the people in your life.

Those are your relationships and having the right people in your corner can make all the difference. I have made quite a few mom friends since I became a mother and some of them are wonderful, amazing humans that I don't know if I would have connected with if I hadn't been a mom and I'm so grateful to have them in my life and 

there are some moms that I have realized very quickly are not the types of moms that I want to have in my corner because we disagree on parenting, we disagree on life values, all that kind of thing. So even though our kids are similar in age, We just don't vibe, and that's okay.

With the mom guilt, it's really important to have the right relationships around you, because if you are surrounding yourself with other mothers, other people, that are not aligned with your values, that are going to try to pull you away even more, or push you into doing things that you don't necessarily love doing, that guilt is gonna fester.

It's gonna come up more and more and more because you're either gonna be pushing yourself too hard or you're going to be doing things that aren't aligned with who you are as a human. So, the easiest way to kind of balance out this element in terms of mom guilt is to reach out to someone that you trust and let them know how you're feeling.

Especially if it's a mom friend who gets it. It's going to be so nice to just be able to vent and get that off your chest, to have someone who understands what you're going through, chat about it with you, share their stories, and then you can make a plan together to

feel a little less guilty and most importantly, get what you need. All right, the next one is a really big one. It's kind of two mixed together. But it's your career and life purpose tied together. This one's really a heavy hitter for mom guilt because in our society today, I know that there are a lot of stay at home moms, but a lot of families can't make that work.

A lot of families have to have both parents working in order to be able to afford their day to day necessities to be able to afford to live the way that they need to. And so there are a lot of moms out there. I feel like you are probably one of them if you're listening to this episode. I am also one of them who feels a lot of guilt about your job.

And it could be because you're working too much. It could be because your hours aren't lining up nicely with your kids schedules. And honestly, even for the stay at home moms and for the other moms who have different jobs, it could be guilt because you're not working enough. There's this,  dichotomy that's always happening, that you have to feel guilty no matter what.

And so I want to challenge you in terms of this mom guilt about your job, in terms of this mom guilt about career and what your purpose is in this life, I want you to do a little reflection. What is most meaningful to you?

So think about that in terms of all of the aspects of your life, right? What is most meaningful to you? Is it your kids? Is it your family life? Is it your house? Is it material goods? Is it being able to afford whatever you want to buy whenever you want to buy it? 

Just reflect on that, what is really most meaningful to you in your life in this season of your life? And in terms of your job, what is most meaningful in terms of your job? Is it that you are making a buttload of money? Is it that your hours are flexible? What are the things that are most meaningful to you there?

And then I want you to think about how can you align your work with those values? So those things that are most meaningful to you, those are your values. Those are the things that you are cherishing that are important to you in this season of life. So how can you make some small changes to make your work line up with that?



For me personally, in terms of my coaching business, I am working one on one with some clients, but I'm finding that the amount of time that I am spending away from my family is a little bit too much. So I am soon going to be launching my group coaching program, which is actually a hybrid model so that there's still some one on one support, but there's less One on one support than having a bunch of one on one clients, 

so that is something that I am doing as a small shift in order to Align my work with my values because I went into business so that I could be more present with my family So that I could have a little bit more flexibility in my schedule and working Exclusively with one on one clients just wasn't hitting the mark for me.

Okay. Our next wellness element is spirituality. And this one sometimes scares people, but I don't want you to think of any one specific thing. Spirituality just means. That you're connecting to something that's bigger than you. So for some people, this could be faith. It could be that you are Christian. It could be that you are Muslim.

It could be that you are Hindu, whatever it is. That could be your faith for some people. It could be, using different modalities, like understanding yourself through human design or understanding yourself through astrology, whatever it is. There is a way that you are feeling drawn to that connects you with something that is bigger than just you and your micro family.

And so, to have spirituality support you with mom guilt, I want you to carve out time for whatever gives you that sense of peace and purpose.

For me personally, I like to pray, especially when things are getting really heavy. Prayer is very helpful. I also do EFT tapping because I am someone who does not believe in mutual exclusivity. So I think that both things can exist in harmony. I don't think that you need one or the other.

They can work together. And so for me, both of those are helpful in connecting me to something that's bigger than myself. All right. The last wellness element is finances. And I wanted to kind of save this one last because it's not always the easiest to change, but there are things that we can do and will help with mom guilt.

So money stress is real. And when we are stressed about finances, this can fuel our guilt in unexpected ways. Sometimes. In ways that you don't even fully realize are connected back to your finances. And I've seen this many times, including with myself. So one thing that you can do is take one small step to feel like you're more in control of your finances.

So, like I said, this isn't something that you're necessarily going to be able to change overnight, right? Finances are a big, heavy subject. It's something that is not easy to change on a dime, no pun intended, but. There are things that you can do in order to feel more in control of the finances that you do have.

So this could be setting a budget for yourself, talking with your partner about goals for your finances together. It could be tracking your finances. Just one thing to help you to feel like you have a little more control over it will help the guilt to lessen.

It will help the guilt to lessen because you're not,

it will help the guilt to lessen because you're not going to be feeling like you're not in control of anything. If that makes sense.

So here's the most important takeaway that I want you to have for today, though. Guilt is not a sign that you're doing something wrong. I'm going to say it again. Guilt is not a sign that you are doing something wrong. Guilt is just a signal that you care deeply about your family. So instead of letting it weigh you down, use it as a chance to check in with yourself.

When guilt shows up, ask yourself, what do I need right now to feel more like myself? And that simple question can help you to reframe guilt into something useful instead of something that's nagging you and holding you back.

So I've shared a bit on here already about my personal story and how I really struggled in my first postpartum period with the transition to motherhood and how to become a mother.

I literally neglected my hygiene. I neglected a lot of basic necessities for myself because I felt like I needed to give my everything to my kid. And don't get me wrong, I do give my daughter a lot. She knows that she is very loved.

She's a wonderful little human being. Lots of people love her. Lots of people compliment us all the time on how we've parented her.

But at the same time, I don't have to give her every single last piece of me. And that was something that took me quite a long time to learn. And it was really hard to get past the mom guilt. And like I said, I'm still working on it to this day. But by taking these different steps to support myself and to help myself to check in and reset and recharge, I'm able to show up better for her.

And now for her sister as well, I'm able to show up better for everyone in my life, including myself, which is honestly a gift that I don't think I could fully put into words. It has just really helped my whole family to be happier and healthier and overall more. peaceful, which is really a really beautiful thing.

And I did that through many steps, but in terms of the mom guilt, I think the biggest thing was being able to reframe it for myself, was to be able to see that when my baby is crying for 30 seconds while I'm quickly brushing my While I am using the toilet. 

If they are crying or whining for something, but they have all of their needs met, they just want some extra something, I can take that extra little bit of time for me and meet their need after I'm done. And in my first postpartum period, I didn't see that. I saw that if I wasn't doing exactly what they needed right when they needed it, There was something wrong with me, there was something wrong with my child, and I needed to fix it right away.

But that wasn't healthy for any of us. And by seeing that change in my mind, by reframing that guilt, and seeing that I don't need to do this right this second, and When I take time for myself, when I am intellectually stimulated, when I am able to do all of these other things for me, I can then be even better as a mom.

That was so beautiful and has made an even bigger impact on my family. And so I hope that you are able to. Today, take some time to reframe your guilt that you might feel, or at least start the process of reframing any guilt that comes up for you, because it really does create a ripple effect for your family and for your community as well.

Because when you have Taking care of yourself, you are able to give more to others. And when you have enough energy to not just support yourself and your family, but to then give back to your community as well, it's such a magical and beautiful thing.

So I really want to make sure that this is helpful for you. I want you to take a moment and really reflect on where it is that you're feeling stuck. Is it your energy levels that's making you feel stuck? Is it your time that you have in the day? Or is it something else? And then what's one small step that you can take this week to care for yourself in that specific area?



And if you're ready for some more support and you are listening to this live, I would love to invite you to join my energy Kickstarter challenge that is starting January 19th. It is a 10 day challenge where we are focusing on simple wellness steps to help you start the lunar new year, feeling more energized and guilt free.

Thank you for spending some time with me today. And please remember mama, you are doing better than you think. And you deserve to feel good. Let's keep this conversation going though. I would love to hear your thoughts on mom guilt. DM me or share your thoughts after this episode. I would love to hear from you.