Why Taking Care of Yourself Feels Wrong (Even When You Know Better)

You finally sit down for a moment of peace—and instead of enjoying it, your brain floods with guilt. “Did I earn this break? Should I be doing something else?” If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you.

We’re unpacking the inherited beliefs that tell moms they have to do it all and never take a breath. You’ll learn why rest isn’t selfish (spoiler: it’s essential), how to recognize the outdated rules you’ve been following, and simple tools you can use to create nourishing boundaries that serve everyone in your home—including you.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical scripts, quick resets, and a powerful mindset shift to help you step away without the shame spiral. Because self-care isn’t about spa days—it’s about making space for yourself in your own life.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why “rest guilt” runs so deep—and where it really comes from
• How generational beliefs and hustle culture fuel your burnout
• A simple breathing practice to reset your nervous system in 30 seconds
• A go-to script for when you need a break but feel guilty asking for it
• Why choosing joy isn’t indulgent—it’s essential

Noteworthy Quotes from This Episode:

“The care you give yourself is part of the care you give your family.”

“ We are taught to give of ourselves constantly—and then we’re also taught to feel bad about it.”

“Self-care doesn’t have to be big.”

"That’s the story we’ve been sold—that good moms give and give and give until there’s nothing left. "

Resources & Links:

✨ DM me “READY” on Instagram to learn more about the Everwell Mama Group Program
 ✨ Book a free Guilt Shift Call with me: https://calendly.com/siobhan-everwellcoaching/30min
✨ Daily support  on Instagram: @everwellcoaching

Connect with Siobhan:

Website: everwellcoaching.com
Instagram: @everwellcoaching

About Your Host:

Siobhan Bingham is a certified holistic life & wellness coach and mom of two littles. She helps high-achieving moms break the burnout cycle, let go of guilt, and reconnect with the kind of joy that lasts. Through nervous system tools, mindset work, and simple self-care practices, she supports women in living lives that feel good—not just look good.

Transcript

  You feel like you've been running around like a chicken with your head cut off, and then you finally take 5, 10, 20 minutes just for yourself to rest, and then you spend the whole time wondering if you actually earned it, you know that you want to take care of yourself. But how do you do that without feeling guilty, selfish, or like you're letting someone down.

In this episode, we are rewriting the tired, good moms, or selfless story. You're gonna learn why showing up for yourself is not selfish, and how to set boundaries that serve everyone in your home. Not just you. I'm Shahan Bingham, a mom of two littles coach, and a nerd tastic cheerleader for women who wanna raise their kids without raising their nervous system.

We build lives that feel good, not just look good. And by the end of this episode, you'll understand where that selfish story comes from and how to replace it with boundaries and practices that feel loving, not loaded.

Welcome to the Everwell Mama Podcast, where moms drop the guilt, have more joy, and live in a way that feels right without burning out or missing out on all the good stuff.

I remember when I was a new mom and   I tried to choose myself. I attempted to wash my face instead of picking up the baby. She was happily playing hanging out on the floor in the bathroom. And so I chose to wash my face. And then at that exact moment, of course, she decided that that was not acceptable and she needed to be up in my arms right that minute.

And so I said, no, you know what? Mommy needs to take care of Mommy too. I'm gonna wash my face. And she screamed the whole entire time. And I felt absolutely. Guilty. I felt awful that she had to cry the whole time that I was being selfish by choosing to wash my face instead of picking her up.

And honestly, that's the story we've been sold, that good moms give and give and give until there's nothing left. And honestly, it's not just untrue. It's unsustainable. No one on this planet can give a hundred percent of the time without completely giving all of themselves. Think about the giving tree, which is a terribly sad story, but it is a perfect example of how it is unsustainable to keep this story up.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture today where as women, we are taught to over-function. We are taught to give of ourselves constantly, to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect employee or business owner or whatever it is. And then we're also taught to feel bad about it. When we are over-functioning, we're taught to feel awful about the fact that we can't be all of these perfect things because that's impossible.

And we get a lot of these beliefs and these conditions from the culture around us, but also from our families

and all of the places that we inherit things from. So think about my mom's generation. My mom is a boomer. I am a millennial. And my mom's generation is completely different in how they believe that women should present themselves in the world, in the way that they should care for their kids. Like how many boomers have come up to you and told you to put socks on your baby, , like Gladys?

It is July. It is hot. Okay. We do not need to have socks on the baby. They're fine. Okay. And that's just a small example, right? There's a lot of judgment and things that are just said that we just kind of assume to be true because we've heard it said so many times, and these can be big belief things like money doesn't grow on trees, but it can also be the smallest of things like, I just don't have time to do X, Y, Z because I'm a mom.

And yeah, your time is gonna look different as a mom, but just because you are a mom does not mean that you no longer have any time. We also have this pervasive idea of hustle culture and the fact that if you just work hard, then you'll get X, Y, Z given to you. And if you work hard enough, you're gonna be able to like make it right.

This idea of the American dream and. Yeah, that worked for our boomer parents, but it doesn't work for us. We literally cannot work hard enough to ever afford a $4 million house with the salaries that we make today. That's not gonna happen, especially on a one parent income household. So we're getting all of these inherited beliefs, and you really need to question where these things are coming from.

And one of these major inherited beliefs is the fact that if you are not 150000% focused on your kids, then you are a bad mom. That you are being selfish, that you are in some way going to cause harm to your kids. But self-care is not selfish. It really, really isn't, and I'm not talking about like long, luxurious bubble baths and full five hour spa days.

I'm talking about the absolute basics, like washing your face or having a shower, a hot shower for 10 minutes or more. Or being able to move your body in a way that feels good or have a glass of water before your coffee in the morning. The absolute basics is what I'm talking about when I talk about self-care, and none of those are selfish.

It's actually a way of repairing your system,

your whole entire body system, not just your nervous system, although that is also very important. When you are taking care of yourself, you are teaching your body that you matter too. And when you are doing that, your body is learning

how to work better. It's repairing itself from any previous damage that was done. It is going to show up for you better because you are showing up for it.

And so instead of thinking that doing these small things to care for yourself is taking away from your family, can you think of it instead as the care for yourself is part of the care that you're giving your family? I am never, ever, ever going to tell you to put yourself above your family, and you've gotta put yourself first, because sometimes that's just not realistic.

I. But you can absolutely include yourself in the care that you give your family. Whether that is you getting yourself a glass of water when you get the kids water, or that is you taking a deep breath, you are able to include yourself So I'm gonna give you a couple of really quick and easy tools that will be able to give you a really fast reset no matter where you are, what you're doing,

and how busy you are during your day. So the first one, you're going to do some breathing. So super, super, super simple. I want you to just place a hand over your heart, and I want you to take a deep breath, and this breath should not just move your chest, but it should move your belly as well. That's right.

We don't want any sucking in here. We want to feel the whole thing. So fill up your entire body with air and then slowly exhale it through your mouth. Oh, that's it. Super simple. If that feels good, keep doing it.

Then I have a quick sentence that you can try and you can try this in almost any setting, . So you're going to say. I am stepping away for a few minutes because I wanna come back more present. So let's say you are cooking dinner and there's just so much going on that you're feeling really overwhelmed. You can say, I'm stepping away for a few minutes because I wanna come back more present.

And in that situation, you either are going to be turning off the stove or you could just be sitting down in that kitchen and letting your body chill. I have little kids at home. I cannot be leaving them alone completely in a different room, but I can sit down, breathe and chill myself out so that when I'm coming back in this moment with them, I am more present.

So the stepping away can be a physical thing if you've got older kids, or it can just be stepping away mentally. Like you're, you're moving away from all of the things that are overwhelming you. And then the last tip that I have for you is I really want you to choose one joyful act this week that is just for you.

And it doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be a small thing. It can be whatever you want, but pick one thing that will make you feel genuine joy and try it out. I want you to notice what comes up when it happens. How does your body feel? What are your thoughts? What's going on?

I really hope that these tools can be. A great little mini reset for you in order to bring more joy and some boundaries and some care into your life. Remember that abandoning yourself and not loving yourself is not going to earn you love. All it's doing is depleting your own joy and your own capacity to show up for your family.

Your reflection question for this week is, where are you saying yes when your body is screaming? No. So again, I'm wanting you to think about those boundaries and making sure that you are not giving too much of yourself to others. And if you're ready to rewrite that story and live from fullness and not burnout, I would love to chat with you about my group program.

It is a wonderful space where it's safe to choose. You 

If this sounds like the type of support and comradery that you're looking for in order to get out of this cycle

and really find that full joy in your day to day life, so you're not constantly feeling like you have to rewash the same load of laundry three times or. Buy a new planner to get a little bit more organized, but really get down to the root cause of what's going on. Find that sisterhood with other moms who are in the same shoes as you, and really move past this and into your full self as a mother.

Then please DM me on Instagram so that we can have a quick chat and see if the program would be a good fit for you. You can reach me at everwell Coaching.

 and until then, I will catch you in the next one.